Don't worry, the next post is about music again, but I felt the need to write something about depression, because of a lot of things that happened and also the suicide of Robin Williams. And also because a lot of people suffer from it, they just have hidden it very well for you sometimes.
I just want to let people realize that's it's not just being sad when you got your heart broken or something, but it affects much more than that. I think in my experience with people with depression, that a trauma can trigger this disease. For one person it's the death of someone close, rape, or things like that. But it can also be something insignificant to other people, like a broken heart. It may well be that people that suffer from depression are more sensitive than others (I don't know if this is true, I'm just guessing now) and they had every rejection build up inside over the years, until it one day comes out and bursts, sort of speak. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, it's just an example that I know has happened.
When you have a depression, others may think you're a lazy bastard, but honestly it's not that, you simply lose the will to do anything. It's not just procrastination, it's not simply that when you have depression, that you don't want to do things. You just can't make yourself do it. Ofcourse it's not good for any person that amount of selfpity and stuff, but when you have this, you can't control your mind so well, it's taking over your thoughts and making them worse. Some days are not so bad, but other days are complete misery...just laying on the bed crying and crying, seeing no future and that maybe you'd be better off if you were not on this world. But that's why it's so important to have treatment from a psychologist or psychiatrist. Because it's almost not possible to get over it yourself. If you're blessed with good and true friends it might seem that you're over it and it will feel like that for a while, but it simmers inside of you waiting to come out. And then one day, when you least expect it, something happens in your life and it hits you like a kick in the face again.
If you feel like you have a depression, stop being stubborn, stop thinking: 'Oh I can fucking do this myself'. Stop it, STOP IT, because before you know it, years have passed and nothing has happened. Inside you know you are still depressed, you've just covered it with other things. To the outside world, you just seem fine, your life seems okay, but this depression is a disease, it hits you and it can hit you damn hard. So, it's time you realize that it's not a shame to get help and that you are NOT weak. You'll only regret it later that you haven't called out for help sooner. But I can assure you, admitting you have a depression (or admitting that you think that you have one) or admitting that you need help, is a fucking brave thing to do. You have saved a life and an extremely important one: THAT ONE OF YOUR OWN. Because you are not worth less than anyone else, no matter who makes you feel that way. If anyone makes you feel that way, than they are the ones that need help. They are jealous and want to make you feel inferior in the most cases. And that is the same when anyone gets angry at you. Ofcourse anger may seem like it's justified sometimes, but is it really? Does the person you're angry at really deserve your anger or is he/she just triggering something that's already deep inside you, something that you're trying to push away.
Do people really not care about you or are you just thinking that? Because you don't know what other people think, maybe you mean the world to someone and you just don't know it. I know there's enough in this world that is still reachable for any of you. Some dreams are maybe not going to happen anymore no, but is that a reason to step out of this world? Aren't their more dreams to be made? You think nothing good is waiting for you anymore, but you cannot know that! Why? Because you have not been there yet, it's what lying ahead of you. And who knows what magical, lifechanging things are going to happen if you'll just try it again. Maybe the love of your life is just waiting until you arrive, maybe your dreamjob was just waiting on the corner.
I know it's a long way and I see many people suffer from it. And I know realizing you're sick is one thing and doing something about it another. But do you really need to wait until you're ready to do something about it or do you decide to be ready? Take your life in your hands now and don't you dare think you are not worth it, that it will suck anyway or that nothing is going to change. Because the only one who stops your life from changing in a good way is YOU.